05 November 2011

Thrift Store Pen-Pals! (Aren't Trying to Kill Me)

I arrived home to discover a small package sitting upon the pile of crap sitting upon my laptop in the kitchen. I looked at and flipped it over, analyzing all sides of it. The return address indicated it came from one Mr. Wood.  Being too impatient to wait for my bomb squad and forensics team, I gave the box a small shake. To my relief it did not explode, however the rattling sound also confirmed the sad fact I did not receive a bunny. Not even an exploding bunny. But to be sure I let my cat check it out.
Going to apologize now for poor resolution and orientation.  Some photos were done via iPod and can't be edited *mumblegrumblerootintootinvarmits
 He rubbed against it and started purring, a sure sign of nothing. It was time to open the package.

Package breached!
It contained two items. A tiny, disassembled torture device and a tiny colouring book with even tinier coloured pencils. I would need a special team to figure out these devices did.
They immediately set about extracting the wooden torture device from its anaerobic containment unit.

Upon closer inspection of its parts, the team decided it must a robot or mech-suit of some sort and began the assembly process.
It took a few tries before it started making sense. They finally completed the terrifying war machine and set about testing it...
It proved highly ineffective and the team decided it should go to the scrap heap

The next item proved just as difficult for the team. The color-by-number system eluded them and they went all willy-nilly on it.

Sarlaacs are no laughing matter.

The team poses for a shot after confirming there was nothing hostile in the package.

And so that's my long-delayed report on my Thrift-Store Pen Pals Package.  Glad to see Woody isn't trying to kill me =D


  1. This made me laugh for 10 straight minutes....

  2. This is glorious! I love the assembly team, and "He rubbed against it and started purring, a sure sign of nothing." is the best line ever. Thanks for being an awesome Pen Pal, your review is hilarious :)

  3. Pretty sure my cat would rub against a live cattle prod if you held it out to him. And purr while doing it.

  4. WOW! Such creativity and imagination! Pic #13 is the best. It's like an action shot from a short-film.

  5. Wow, Adam. This is amazing. I think you wrote my favorite Thrift Store Pen Pal...it took me a few seconds to realize the Lego Star Wars figures weren't part of the package, but as soon as I saw what was going on I nearly died laughing. Great job, buddy. Great job. Having the team pose for a photo was freakin' genius. I also appreciate the attention you paid to the little details, like having the one guy stuck under the bag while everybody else put the mech-suit together.


  6. Brilliant stuff! Love it :)