13 May 2012

And So It Goes

My list of ex-girlfriends got a permanent implant this past week. As I mentioned before, me and my girl were on a break, so she could focus on graduation and life for a bit. When she asked for a break I said it was ok, not great, and as long as she didn't date this one other guy, we'd be peachy. Otherwise, I'd cut all ties with her.

This, Other Guy, had been following my girlfriend around the entire semester. He'd asked her about dating several times and to my knowledge always got turned down. When questioned, my now ex-girlfriend always denied feelings for him, said it would most likely never happen. I believed her, despite the plethora of rumors that reached even from 300 miles away.

Then this past week we were talking, I had taken off of work to come see her graduation and celebrate her 22nd bday but since we were on a break, I wasn't sure if she still wanted me to. She expressed concern about tension between me and the Other Guy, though she never gave a definite yes or no. Since I am currently without my own car, I decided to stay home and look for one, and told her maybe I'd come visit this next weekend for a SCA event.

The next day a mutual friend of ours started freaking out and asking if I was going to cut ties with her too. Didn't take much to figure out why she asking, but it took another day to get word directly from my Ex. And via text none-the-less. She confirmed that she was indeed dating the Other Guy: "...I did a bit of thinking a decided that I may want to give [Other Guy] a chance. Not a long 1but 1 none the less"

I asked her why bother if she already knew it would be short, she said "just to see." this next part will be easier as a list

Me:" You know it's going to cost you, right?"
Her:" I know. I know you'll hate me" (apparently that's not a high cost since it didn't stop her)
Me:" As long as you know that" (I wouldn't say hate, but I didn't feel like correcting her)
Her: "I do know that. I don't like it but I know that...."
Me: "Well you've made your choice and shown your colors. Goodbye."
Her: "....goodbye"

I haven't talked to her since. Part of me does miss her, but I told her what would happen and I'm sticking to it. She me and the Other Guy on for months with this little game, I always gave her the benefit of the doubt even when reputable sources provided a lot of doubt.

And all of this kinda comes as a slap in the face, I know long distance relationships are hard, but we knew that going in. What's she's done is like saying "You're not worth the effort, but this guy is closer so I'll take him"

I've of course gotten the usual "you can do better than that" stuff from my friends, even mutual friends. I'm not sure what better is exactly, but I guess I might find out someday. I heard from friends that she still wanted me as a friend, but after breaking my trust, that simply cannot be an option. Even if she and the Other Guy break up, as many suspect they will shortly, I don't think I could ever take her back, could ever trust her again, and I'm pretty sure no one would approve of us being together. So while my sentimental side wants to check on her, see how she's doing etc, my logical side says to leave it be, pretend she's dead. It'll be easier that way.

That's my news for the week, hope yours has been better.


  1. Grieve that relationship and then move on. You do deserve better Adam. I know it doesn't seem like it now but you do. You are a funny, good guy who could protect his girlfriend with SWORDS.

    "Even if she and the Other Guy break up, as many suspect they will shortly, I don't think I could ever take her back, could ever trust her again, and I'm pretty sure no one would approve of us being together." My piece of advice? Don't even consider getting back together with the person. She betrayed your trust and if you start saying "Well, if so-so did this, I guess I could forgive them." Then you start rationalizing away all the harm they did to you and you might start hoping. Plus the person could use it against you to play your emotions and walk you even into a harder spot. I can't say it would turn out that way but it's one of the endless possibilities of how you could get hurt and I do not want to see you get crushed. I am saying right here and now, that I do not approve of getting back together with her. You guys broke up for a reason and even if Other Guy goes away, she still broke your trust. How could you trust her again?

    You and her had some good times but it's over now. I think your decision not to be her friend is a fair one and a good one since most of the time exes can't be friends. So seriously, take some time to be you and hopefully the girl of your dreams will walk into your department of the Home Depot (or somewhere else, idk where you go in Pottstown).

    But for real, I am here for you, if you need. I just want to see you happy.

  2. Well. Son of a gun. This is the first time I've heard about this. In the interest of privacy I will write you a direct message rather than a comment out in the open for cyberspace. All further comment rescinded.


  3. Your approach, end the relationship but avoid the hate, is the mature one. It doesn't make things suck any less now, but it lets you move on much faster. Never look back...unless someone yells "Barbeque!"


  4. Took me a second...guess I'd be DFB-ed